[Mobotropolis]

Hello!

I got a story, here, that isn't quite ready to publish but has been edited to death behind closed doors to the point that I feel it's time to get a second opinion.

Could you guys take a look and let me know what you think/what might be confusing?

Here it is.

The information as I'll post it on FF.net is in Spoiler Tags:

And some background information to help give you some context.

[Mobotropolis]

Thank you.

I tried to reel in the angst, but there's no easy way of dealing with the subject matter.

[Artsy]

This is very well written, as usual nwn

I only spotted a few gramatical errors but there definitely wasn't anything too severe to detract from the readers' understanding of the story.

I'm so sorry I poured my heart out there, I really shouldn't be on the Internet late night/early morning but I want you to know that's how I honestly feel right now and that's how your stories make me feel 

[Mobotropolis]

Thanks.

If you find something that's grammatically incorrect or confusing please, please, please let me know. I felt like I edited this thing to death and re-read until my eyes glazed over but I'm pretty sure there's some things in here I missed. So feel free to be critical.