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Untamed Heart Klonoa Collective Untamed Heart Klonoa Collective Untamed Heart Klonoa Collective

Author Topic: Home  (Read 597 times)

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Offline Mobotropolis

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Home
« on: July 30, 2016, 05:43:35 PM »
Hello!

I got a story, here, that isn't quite ready to publish but has been edited to death behind closed doors to the point that I feel it's time to get a second opinion.

Could you guys take a look and let me know what you think/what might be confusing?

Here it is.

The information as I'll post it on FF.net is in Spoiler Tags:
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And some background information to help give you some context.
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« Last Edit: September 17, 2016, 09:31:12 PM by Mobotropolis »

Offline Mario123311

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Re: Home (First Draft)
« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2016, 08:09:14 PM »
This... This nearly made me cry. ; w ;

Which was probably intentional, Really good work.

Offline Mobotropolis

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Re: Home (First Draft)
« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2016, 08:39:16 PM »
Thank you.

I tried to reel in the angst, but there's no easy way of dealing with the subject matter.

Offline Artsy

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Re: Home (First Draft)
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2016, 01:15:05 AM »
This is very well written, as usual nwn

I only spotted a few gramatical errors but there definitely wasn't anything too severe to detract from the readers' understanding of the story.

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I'm so sorry I poured my heart out there, I really shouldn't be on the Internet late night/early morning but I want you to know that's how I honestly feel right now and that's how your stories make me feel  :bad_straight_face:

Offline Mobotropolis

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Re: Home (First Draft)
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2016, 11:49:49 AM »
Thanks.

If you find something that's grammatically incorrect or confusing please, please, please let me know. I felt like I edited this thing to death and re-read until my eyes glazed over but I'm pretty sure there's some things in here I missed. So feel free to be critical.

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