Untamed Heart: Wahoo is more popular than Yahoo!

Untamed Heart Klonoa Collective Untamed Heart Klonoa Collective Untamed Heart Klonoa Collective

Author Topic: New YouTube series: Klonoa: Corruption  (Read 6455 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Windbullet

  • Global Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 843
  • Dreamer Rating: 17
    • YouTube
Re: New YouTube series: Klonoa: Corruption
« Reply #30 on: May 10, 2015, 07:41:34 PM »
Update: Sneak peek should be coming tomorrow, hopefully. Project isn't dead. Also, when the series actually premiers, I'll be closing this topic and using another one.
Known as Operationgamer17 on the Klonoa wiki.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCl8h0HL50XoxBP5xnZ8uI4A
My Deviantart: http://operationgamer17.deviantart.com/
Known as Gameguy17 on Miiverse.
Discord: Operationgamer17/Windbullet #6860.

Offline Sable-Xeno

  • God in the Machine
  • Star Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1163
  • Dreamer Rating: 49
  • Gender: Male
  • The dude.
Re: New YouTube series: Klonoa: Corruption
« Reply #31 on: May 11, 2015, 05:14:44 AM »
I am intrigued by what tomorrow's (well, today's, I guess) preview is gonna be like, and not just because my character may be appearing in it: the concept that's gone behind this does sound intriguing. Of course, I'll watch the preview tomorrow and voice any opinions then.

Artwork drawn by Somnax (FA), 5th Gen Pokemon sprite bases made by Pokemon-Diamond (DA).

Offline Windbullet

  • Global Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 843
  • Dreamer Rating: 17
    • YouTube
Re: New YouTube series: Klonoa: Corruption
« Reply #32 on: May 11, 2015, 12:30:34 PM »
Sneak peek's up.
 
Known as Operationgamer17 on the Klonoa wiki.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCl8h0HL50XoxBP5xnZ8uI4A
My Deviantart: http://operationgamer17.deviantart.com/
Known as Gameguy17 on Miiverse.
Discord: Operationgamer17/Windbullet #6860.

Offline Sable-Xeno

  • God in the Machine
  • Star Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1163
  • Dreamer Rating: 49
  • Gender: Male
  • The dude.
Re: New YouTube series: Klonoa: Corruption
« Reply #33 on: May 11, 2015, 06:00:30 PM »
...Okay, I guess I should give this my thoughts:

First of all...this is, for the most part, text with occasional backround images and backround music. Now, I know your aim was to create this as a slideshow-esque video, but without narration, this isn't really any different from a fanfic with hyperlinked music and images. In fact, if you don't plan on narrating this (There is such a thing as bad narration, though, so only go that route if you're absoluetly convinced your voice is sexy enough/has enough vocal range to voice the characters), then I'd recommend you go that route instead- it takes much less effort for about the same experience, since most of the people bound to watch the video are people that regularly come on here, anyways. (Though, I guess you couldn't make a text fade-in, fade-out effect, but I imagine there's enough kinds of BB Code on here to supplement that fact.

As for the images themselves...well...the "Splitzon"...Listen, I know what it's like to have amazing ideas, but not the artistic talent to bring them to life like we want to. We've all been there at one point. But...well, I think you could do better with practice. Or perhaps try describing the puddle instead? Words are a writer's most important tool. As for the still images of Klonoa and hewpoe, they...don't really change between scenes to illustrate their curiosity at finding the Splizon, or finding Daisy in...whatever (assumably) cave they are traveling in. I had thought you'd use Klonoa's full-body shots from Namco x Capcom to illustrate his emotions. Hewpoe is...forgivable, since he doesn't have any similair expressions drawn/sprited out in official sources. And the backround...there is none. Why not put in a few scenery images between character conversations, to illustrate what the area looks like? Or, you know...describe it? I think something like what Klonoa Heroes does for scenes might work, where you have the characters talking in a scene instead of...white backrounds. (Also, not gonna lie here. The logo? It's bad. Good for something like a parody/intentionally low-key work, but not-so-good for something with this much of your time dedicated to it.)

That gets to my next point...Daisy. Now, I know @ThatGuy70 gave you that art to use for this, but I have a feeling it was for REFERENCIAL purposes. I mean, for goodness sake, she still has that red ear that Thatguy said was a MISTAKE! If you have a video editor, then you must have some sort of image editor, as well, so recoloring that ear shouldn't be TOO MUCH of a problem. (That, and remove that word bubble that says "Daisy". I mean, it seems weird to have that displayed, clear as day, before you even find out who she is.) I know you can't exactly...draw that well, so asking you to draw Daisy from the ground-up would be way too much to ask, so...at least correct that ear. (I have a feeling you're gonna be using that exact image I showed for Sable, too, so if you want, I can remove that hyper-colorful backround for you. Just offering....And I guess I could correct Daisy's image, but again, I'm only offering.)

Though, there's...another point that irks me. Have you made ANY contact with ThatGuy during the production of this? I know, he sorta...dissapeared off the face of the planet, but if you're going to use his character with his permission, the LEAST you can do is get in contact with him BEFORE production, exchange notes on what you have written for Daisy, and ask him if that would be okay. That way, he won't be dissapointed if his character is...out-of-character when the video is released. (Course, you could've gotten into contact with me and asked me if Sable's Theme was okay...I mean, his actual theme would fly over the heads of anyone watching the video, and I expected something Pokemon-Y...but Team Galactic's theme? I'm okay with that now, but...)

And that brings me to my final note, and...it's a bit more important than that other stuff: You never credited ThatGuy70 ONCE for using his character or artwork in the video, in either the Video Description, the Video itself, or even on here. That can be considered plagiarism to some. Yeah, I know this is only a preview, and maybe you were going to give him credit in the full video when it released, but I urge you to credit him for his image and character (plus add music credits listing what tracks you used, and credit Namco for using their character) in any subsequent videos. This goes for Sable, too, as well as any other characters you may ask people to use from this point on.

As for the video itself...the writing (the meat of the video)  was decent. It described what Klonoa was doing, it illustrated his curiosity of the splitzon, it illustrated it may be bad due to another character's intervention, and it has me questioning who this Daisy character is, what she'd be doing in this place, how she'd know the Splitzon was bad, where she's from...I could understand her being her due to her adventurous personality, though that isn't exactly described in the video. She doesn't exactly have enough lines to show whether she's in-character or out-of-character, but if she's weary of Splitzon, then it must be serious. Of course, the average viewer wouldn't know her personality by then, so it's more of a hindsight thing for them to learn more about the character later. The only line that REALLY got me was Klonoa introducing himself as from the Wind Village. Not really out of character, but also kinda weird that he said where he was from to a total stranger on the spot (that's probably in-character for him to act like that to strangers, though)...and Daisy spewing a paragraph of information, THEN her her name as an aside when asked what her name was...I dunno, kinda odd, but maybe not?

The music is kinda nice, and it forebodes something about

So to recap, the video had me properly immersed with the writing, and I'm legitimately intrigued with how the story goes. And the soundtrack is fitting, too. But...see if you can be a little more varied with your in-between character dialogue images, as well as add scenery. And correct Daisy's red ear, at the least. Credits are nice, too.

Overall, it's not a TERRIBAD video, but there's certainly room for improvement. 3/5. I understand this is all only the teaser, but I do expect the full product to be at least marginally better. I can help you, of course- since this video uses still images, I could probably create scenes and stuff...but that would be up to you.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2015, 06:03:06 PM by Sable-Xeno »

Artwork drawn by Somnax (FA), 5th Gen Pokemon sprite bases made by Pokemon-Diamond (DA).

Offline Windbullet

  • Global Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 843
  • Dreamer Rating: 17
    • YouTube
Re: New YouTube series: Klonoa: Corruption
« Reply #34 on: May 11, 2015, 07:03:52 PM »
Thanks for the feedback, Sable. Gonna have to scrap some stuff, it looks like. Okay, Scrapper Mickey. Do your stuff!

Known as Operationgamer17 on the Klonoa wiki.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCl8h0HL50XoxBP5xnZ8uI4A
My Deviantart: http://operationgamer17.deviantart.com/
Known as Gameguy17 on Miiverse.
Discord: Operationgamer17/Windbullet #6860.

Offline Windbullet

  • Global Moderator
  • *
  • Posts: 843
  • Dreamer Rating: 17
    • YouTube
Re: New YouTube series: Klonoa: Corruption
« Reply #35 on: October 02, 2015, 12:56:31 PM »
Wow. This hasn't been updated in a while. Anyway, wound up taking a longer than expected break on this, resuming work this weekend, unless something pops up at the last minute.
Known as Operationgamer17 on the Klonoa wiki.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCl8h0HL50XoxBP5xnZ8uI4A
My Deviantart: http://operationgamer17.deviantart.com/
Known as Gameguy17 on Miiverse.
Discord: Operationgamer17/Windbullet #6860.